Gibbons divorce- we hope to honor the boundaries.
Hey wait a minute — isn’t this the state that made divorce into a commodity? Why the preoccupation with our governor’s failed marriage?
Here’s why: because there’s a lingering bit of neurosis in our American souls that says politicians should have solid marriages, while surgeons, college professors, accountants, hair dressers, and bus drivers can get divorced with no inquiry as to its affect on their job performance. This says a lot more about our attitude toward government than it does about our attitude toward marriage or professional competence.
Governor Gibbons has asked for privacy, and few details are available. That hasn’t stopped us from placing it at the top of the news, and won’t stop further probing into the most personal details from Jim and Dawn Gibbons’ marriage. Someone will get them, and someone will publish them.
What won’t be described, because it can’t be, is their personal anguish. Those who haven’t experienced divorce can’t do it justice, and those who have, if they’ve got a beating heart, would rather not try.
The Reasonable Reporter recalls an earlier chapter, when a chilly darkness descended over her own household while the daily business of life went on for more than a year. Weekends were planned, dry cleaning was picked up, friends were entertained, material obligations were met. But there was an odd emptiness to it all.
More strange, in retrospect, was the utter lack of eye contact. How do two people live under the same roof day after day, week after week, and never look each other in the eye?
Ah, the tidal wave of relief on the day the word was finally spoken. “Divorce.” It wasn’t until three months later, during the final sweep of the vacuum cleaner over the vacant floors of a vacant house, that the sadness finally set in.
As for job performance, it sharpened during and after the divorce. The job was a place to focus. Besides, when your worthiness as a life partner is called into question, professional competence takes on new importance. Hell, your boss always loves you as along as you deliver the goods. That’s one relationship where the rules are clear cut.
Probably, no two divorces are alike. But one suspects the broad outlines are similar. And one hopes we can honor the boundaries. It’s not up to us, of course, it’s up to our bosses, who love us as long as we deliver the goods.
