Chris Christie would have done well BECAUSE he's fat.

Incredibly enough, there are people in this pizza-and-beer-loving nation who believe Fat New Jersey Governor Chris Christie would have had a tough race, had he entered the GOP presidential primary, because of his weight.

Such nonsense. The Fat Governor of New Jersey, had he tossed his hat in the ring, would have done well precisely because he’s fat.  We are a Taco Bell, Burger King, dip-and-Doritos, mac-and-cheese culture.

A lot of Americans are bloody sick and tired of being told at every turn that our body mass index is out of whack.  We suspect Fat New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, and his wife, too, who appears to have put away a few double-stuff Oreos in her time, would never nag us about our eating habits.  We would welcome a policy of silence from the White House on our food choices when we’re watching the news at dinner time.

As to cultural prejudice against the chubby?  Sure, it exists. Unlike other brands of prejudice – those based on race, gender and religion – prejudice against fat people is acceptable, and in many states, it’s legal.  This snottiness grows tiresome, even to the not-so-fat, because who among us looks perfect in any case?

There are Americans – and not just french fry-ordering, fat slob, sweatshirt-wearing Americans, but perfectly lovely, marathon-running, yoga-practicing, organic kale-eating Americans, too —  who might find solidarity with the Fat New Jersey Governor, because he doesn’t give a crap if people call him fat.

In fact, the Fat New Jersey Governor told opponent John Corzine during their gubernatorial contest to stop pussyfooting around and just say it.

“I’m fat,” Christie said. And he won.

Here’s the thing.  You can’t pull this off if you’re just a few pounds on the heavy side. A few extra pounds doesn’t make a definitive statement. It suggests mere absence of discipline. It suggests you’re in denial.  It suggests you overindulged all summer even though you knew you’d have to make a bunch of on-camera appearances in the fall, and then you took the word of a friend who said, “No!  No, you’re fine!” when you made a self-deprecating comment about how your suit jacket looks like it belongs to your kid brother.

To be taken seriously by Americans weary of nutrition-harping, anti-fat propaganda, you have to be unmistakably and unapologetically fat.

Christie has already lived through a campaign where his heft was fodder for serious analysis (Washington Post, no less). And yes, let’s say it again. He won.

None of it matters now, because he’s keeping his portly ass out of the race.  But we’d love to have raised our 170-calorie Guiness Stout to his candidacy from our ringside seat in the living room recliner.  You go, Fat Governor of New Jersey.

Explore posts in the same categories: Uncategorized